The Marriage of the Soul Bride with Her Lord
The Passing of Amrit Kaur Khalsa, Knoxville, TN
SS Har Darshan Kaur Khalsa
Chapel Hill, North Carolina, USA
By the Grace of God, we are ferried across the world ocean. Amrit Kaur's journey in this world ended with lymphoma, with which she was diagnosed one year ago at the age of 45. After several months of what seemed like remission, she was admitted to the hospital on December 27th. Rai Singh and Rai Kaur, her devoted friends, and the Knoxville sangat, in which she had participated for the past nine years, as well as friends from other area ashrams, maintained a 24 hour vigil in her room. While an entire book could be written about Amrit Kaur's illness and death and the experiences around it, those of us who were involved in the process wanted to share our observations briefly. It is also our hope that we can stimulate a dialogue via this newsletter, involving others who also have information or questions about the death process.
On Wednesday, January 22nd, Rai Singh called me to let me know that Amrit Kaur was declining quickly and her doctor was discontinuing treatment. I began the six hour drive and arrived at her bedside at 2:30 pm. Her sister Doris, her only living blood relative, arrived from Oklahoma about 3 pm. Amrit Kaur left her body at 3:18 pm - she had waited for her sister to arrive. Amrit Kaur died with all 5 K's intact, including her kesh, her hair, in spite of her chemotherapy treatments. After her last breath, we recited Japji, Kirtan Sohila, and five long "Akals".
We learned a lot from our experience of being with Amrit Kaur at this time, and we wanted to share it with others, and hear the experiences of others.
Rai Kaur felt it was important to mention that it is not the job of those visiting a dying person to distract that person, and that what Amrit Kaur enjoyed most was people reading banis in her presence. Rai Kaur said that it was important to remember that what was happening was between God and that soul, and that it is not up to others who lives and who dies. We also learned that there is a fine line between "keeping up" and "being in denial," and sometimes this can complicate the process. In addition, we also discovered that it is important to always face and deal with issues in our lives at the time they come up; these issues cannot be faced with clarity and strength when one's body is dying.
After a night of difficult sleep, and a sadhana with visions of a smiling Amrit Kaur, preparing the body was done by a punj of five Khalsa sisters. We used water from the Golden Temple to wash her body, we used lovingly prepared homemade yogurt, scented with sandalwood oil to prepare her body, and we used rose water in the cloths that we wrapped her body in. Sat Mohine Kaur had just been to India and she had beautiful, never-worn bana that we used to dress Amrit Kaur. What an experience it was to bathe a beloved friend's body when the soul is no longer there. It may seem morbid, but feeling the coldness of her body was actually comforting. It assured us that she was really gone; she wasn't in her body anymore.
The memorial service took place the next day and it was very beautiful. Most of the people present were not Sikhs. Everyone was uplifted by the service. After the service was over and everyone else left, we stayed with Amrit Kaur's body, reciting prayers, for the two hours it took for the flames to consume her body. It is hard to describe the power of praying with the loud noise of the cremation fire in the background. During the Ardas after the cremation, Sat Mohine Kaur saw Amrit Kaur bowing at the Hari Mandir Sahib. She didn't have the limitation of needing a plane ticket anymore!
The Gurdwara following Amrit Kaur's death was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Rai Singh and Livtar Singh sang the most beautiful, uplifting kirtan I have ever heard. Tears of joy and sadness were followed by a rousing version of "WaWa," the song Livtar Singh wrote to the Siri Singh Sahib's poem about his beloved dog/sevadar who lived in Knoxville at the end of his life.
All of us continue to be affected by this experience, each in our own way, but something of it we all share. For me, it has been an experience of the wholeness of this dharma. When we can take birth and death into our own hands and lend a sacredness to it, rather than giving the power away to others as is so prevalent in our culture, it is very healing for all. I'm very thankful.
We would be grateful to share what we learned from the beauty of the passing of a pure Khalsa soul. Please feel free to write or call if you would like to share. SS Har Darshan Kaur Khalsa, 7100 New Light Trail, Chapel Hill, NC 27516, 919-929-3755.